Recently a few girlfriends and I got together and enjoyed a ladies' night chatting away while our husbands took care of the kids. As I sat there listening to the recent happenings in their lives, I thought about all the different ways I could respond as a Christian. I've always been self-conscious of my speech as a Christian. For some reason though, it is a lot more stressful when talking with other Christian women. Just having a normal conversation is hard for me, but if something is said that is not aligned with scripture or should be spoken up against, I am almost paralyzed and have a borderline panic attack. I know that when I lay in bed that night, I will be up for hours thinking of all the things I should have said.
Why is it so hard?
Is it just me who has a hard time talking with other Christians? I don't think so. There are a number of books and articles about this very topic that make me think it is a lot more common than we think. So why is it so hard?
For me, the reasons include not wanting to be confrontational. When a person feels offended, walls slam down, words get intense, and grudges are held. I struggle with the possibility that my words will immediately end a friendship and label me as judgmental and condescending.
I also struggle with feeling ill-prepared for the conversation. Should I quote scripture? Do I give an example of my sin to show humility? Should I directly point out the folly of the person I am talking to or be more passive about the sinfulness in the action?
What if I turn someone away from God?
Is what I'm saying wrong?
What if they interpret scripture differently?
We all listened to Jesus Freak by DC Talk and were encouraged to become Jesus freaks, but the reality of my situation is, that I do care what I'm labeled.
What will people think
Jesus Freak by DC Talk
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
Ain't no disguising the truth
No, I ain't into hiding the truth
What the Scripture Says
I try to go to scripture to see how I should respond to moments like these. Usually when I don't refer to scripture, things can get pretty explosive and intense. When it comes to what scripture says about talking with others, there is a lot to read. I'm not going to list every verse here, but I do want to show you some verses in 3 categories; Speaking love, Speaking correction, and Speaking folly.
You can get my Prayer and Memory Scripture Pack to help you memorize scripture.
Speaking Love
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
“Addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,” Ephesians 5:19
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Proverbs 25:11
“But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Hebrews 3:13
“Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, 2 to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” Titus 3:1-2
“But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.” Colossians 3:8
Speaking Corrections
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2
“19 My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, 20 remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.” James 5:19-20
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” Colossians 3:16
“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,” 2 Timothy 3:16
“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” Colossians 3:13
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,” Ephesians 4:15
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20
Speaking Folly
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13
“Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge.” James 4:11
“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Proverbs 18:2
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Proverbs 29:11
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Proverbs:10:19
“Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Proverbs 29:20
Summing it up…what do you do?
Well, this is something God is still working on in me and a challenge I face often. My go-to action is telling myself to live by example instead of being verbal in my Christian beliefs. While this is a great way to be when it comes to people who are not Christians, we are called to higher standards when we interact with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to keep each other accountable. Words are needed and required.
Let us hold each other up, encouraging each other to keep accountability. I encourage you to tell your friends that you want to be held accountable and if they see you sinning, to speak up and let you know. Letting your Christian friends know this can really open the door for a deeper friendship and a closer relationship with Christ. I hope you will do the same with me, letting me know when something I say doesn't seem biblical. We can look at the Bible together as brothers and sisters.
There are a few books and devotionals you can check out too that address these things.
As an
I would love to include you in my prayers as we both pray over our lives and children. Feel free to email me and let me know how your journey is going.
