Lately, I have been hearing this phrase from my 4-year-old: “I wish I had [something some other kid has]” or “I wish we could go to [fill in some extravagant vacation trip].” It has been characteristic of her to say things out of the blue and usually, it's something really cute, like “I have tears because I love you so much.” I would brush off this new phrase of hers as a phase every child goes through where they want whatever they don't have. Then, I finally realized that this new phrase of daughters is a heart problem and it needs to be addressed. I wanted to instill in her a sense of gratitude for what she has and the things she's experienced in the past.
Of course, addressing this doesn't mean it will be solved overnight, but realizing it is a problem is a great and meaningful next step. This isn't the first time I've worked on my kids' attitudes and perspectives either. Check out my other article about the 5 phrases I say to prevent my kids from having spoiled mindsets.
Here is how we got from realizing it's an issue, to seeing a more grateful heart in our daughter.
Lead by Example
Our kids are always watching and learning from us and as parents, we are the first role models our kids have. So it makes sense that the first thing that had to change is what they see. I had to become just as random with my gratitude as my daughter was with her ungratefulness. It wasn't hard since I already thought so often about how lucky I am to have such amazing children.
I would say out loud, “I love having such amazing daughters.” or “I love all the drawings you make me.” This modeling of behavior teaches her how to have a heart of gratefulness.
Kids will discover how to cultivate a spirit of thankfulness through the 1-Minute Gratitude Journal, an interactive guide to helping children reflect on the good in every day and appreciate the positive things in their lives.
Encourage Awareness
Next, we added a routine practice of it. Before we started school for the day, I would ask my daughters, “What is one thing you are happy you have right now?” Doing this every day made them excited to start the day. They get so happy that they can talk all about the things they love. Don't you get the same way?
Redirect with Questions
Whenever the “I wish I had…” was spoken, I’d ask, “Well, what’s something you liked today that you already have?” This question redirected her thoughts from not having something, to I really like what I have.
Celebrate the Small Things
Little things to us can be big things to kids. We might not think anything of that 1 toy out of 100 in their room, but for whatever reason, that one little toy is what makes them feel like they have the world. Take time to point out the little things that might not seem important to you.
Pay Attention to the Things Wished For
The things my daughter asks for are usually something she already has but doesn't seem as cool anymore. So I pay attention to the things she wishes she had and start celebrating the things she already has like it.
“I wish I had a big princess dress.”
Later that day, “Look what I found! This beautiful princess dress that you haven't worn in so long! Why don't you put it on now and spin around like a princess?!…Wow! Look at you my little princess! We can even put your hair up and put on your toy tiara!”
This made my daughter feel proud of her things.
At this point, my daughter had already made a noticeable change in her words. But here are some things you can do to further this change.
Gratitude Journaling
You can teach your child how to write in a gratitude journal. They can draw or write something they own that makes them happy. You can do this daily or maybe just a couple of times a week. This not only helps with gratitude but also writing skills.
You can even use the bible verses that we reflect on during Thanksgiving as a prompt for journaling!
Understanding Empathy
Spend time talking about different life situations. Impress upon your child that there are some families that have very little and some families that have a lot. Point out the things you have now, that other families don't have. This can help your child appreciate their own life situation a lot more deeply.
This could even be a good time to introduce the sacrifices members of the military make. You can read more about how to teach this in my article “Teaching Kids About Military Service and Sacrifice.”
By doing these things, “I wish I had…” changed into “I'm glad I have,” and it has been a heartwarming transformation to witness. If you’re looking to nurture gratitude in your little ones, remember that patience and consistency are your best allies. Celebrate each small win, and know that you’re planting seeds for a lifetime of gratitude.
I'd love to hear if you have similar experiences or additional tips to share. Comment below!
Let's cultivate gratitude together, one “I'm glad I have” at a time.
I would love to include you in my prayers as we both pray over our lives and children. Feel free to email me and let me know how your journey is going.
